It's been a strange couple of months with so much going on. Work has been crazy, and some of this has contributed to the overwhelming pressure in my role as a rep and activist. It's been a tough time for my children which means it's been tough for me as a mum too. My own mother is in what looks like the last weeks of terminal cancer. There have been countless emergency hospital admissions because her pain hasn't been properly managed, acute breathing difficulties because of her illness, and I feel guilty because I haven't visited as much as I should. Fatigue and the expectation of a house-move mean I've been reluctant to make the long drive (covid has had a significant impact on my ability to drive long distances). We were invited to see the house in early June and told maybe a month or two but at time of writing we STILL have no date. Life feels on hold and every day is punctuated with frequent email checks to see if the date has come through. And it's also been really challenging to manage my health and fitness.
I reduced my hours at work to help me cope with fatigue and some of the difficulties within my family circle. It was a bit of a fight to get what I wanted, but I couldn't continue with being so exhausted from work that I could barely cook dinner or have a conversation with my children, and needing to be in bed at 8pm. As it is I still find I need to sleep during the day at weekends but, day to day, I feel like I'm able to manage things better. It is tough being on the rollercoaster of a good day or two (or even three) but then the next day feeling exhausted, achey and mentally struggling to focus or be motivated. That rollercoaster is tiring in itself but I'm trying to accept it with grace and just be more gentle to myself on the rubbish days.
Training (which is an optimistic term really) has needed a rethink as I simply can't do what I did pre-covid and there's no point in trying to get back to that. I'm just about through menopause now and that could also be contributing to what my body can cope with, but despite fatigue, more muscle soreness and some joint pain, I don't see why I should stop moving and give up any hope of being able to race again one day. Anyway, what's the point of resting and 'saving' my energy? What would I be saving it for?
So, I bought a copy of Stacy Sim's latest book, Next Level, and had a good read through her advice on training and looked at some of her real life examples of how women at my point in life are using her principles to find a healthy balance between training so they can still compete or continue with sports they love, and managing the fatigue and other challenges of menopause. I can't afford to buy all the supplements but I can adjust how and when I train and return to being more mindful of my diet. It's so easy to end up not eating enough nutrient dense food when you're physically and mentally exhausted so much of the time, and that of course just reinforces the feeling crap.
Training now happens on 4 days a week, but 3 if I'm really struggling and 5 if I feel good. I prioritise strength work over running and would rather do 3 strength sessions and 2 short runs if time and/or energy are limited. I do still aim for 'double days' where I strength train and run as although that's challenging it does allow me to take complete rest days where, other than work and the usual household chores, I don't do any exercise and can stay in bed longer. The strength work is hampered by this strange arm/shoulder problem that appeared at the end of last year. It's better than it was but I'm still lacking mobility and stability in that area which is really frustrating. I lift as heavy as I feel I safely can at home, which is probably not heavy enough, but I have to work from where I am and with what I've got.
The new thing I've added into the training mix is regular plyometric work. At the end of a strength session I do 3 or 4 plyometric exercises as a mini circuit. I hate it because it's so hard and I can't manage the recommended 40 seconds on 20 seconds rest, but even the little I can do is having an impact. Whether or not I'll be able to get round a 50 miler in September remains to be seen. It's a race I've wanted to do for several years and I have been looking forward to it so much, but honestly I'm not sure if it's manageable.
I have dared to think about next year and have a couple of things planned that will really challenge me. Both scare me a lot, but one (if it goes well) will, I hope, bring some healing with it. Of course I might not be back to full fitness to even consider attempting either, but both are things to give me some focus for my training. All I can do is train to the best of my ability and, as long as I believe I'm safe to attempt these challenges, be on the start line trusting in my preparation.
On a less serious note, I've been knitting and made a few gifts. Here is one for a colleague who left at the end of term:
And we have three new hens! Willow died three weeks ago. She went downhill very quickly and it was so sad to see her like that. But we were already on the list to rehome some ex-battery farm hens so it was always the plan to add to the flock. We'd hoped Willow would be there to show the new hens how to do all the chickeny things they'd never experienced before but actually they have adapted to their new life really well and already look healthier. Here they are:
From left, clockwise: Serenity, Andromeda and Moya. Serenity loves naps and will even allow us to stroke her. Andromeda is the top hen and very pecky, but also the jumpiest and most easily startled. Moya is fascinated by the chicken in the camera.
No big exciting stuff, but I'm focusing on the joys of the small, everyday things and trying to find things I can rely on: maths, physics and knitting.
