It's been a challenging 3 weeks since the last post. Training hasn't gone to (the adapted) plan, the heeby-jeebies have set in rather early, I'm losing weight and insomnia is back. It all feels overwhelming.
Last week the plan was to split my long run- 20 miles in the morning then another 10 on the course after dark. The morning run was really hard. It was wet underfoot so I was slipping around on the chalk and this made me anxious about falling and breaking bones. I also found it really hard to regulate my temperature- far too hot one minute, chilly the next. It was very uncomfortable with a waterproof on, but I got quite cold in damp clothes and didn't want to get wet through. Whilst I was out there I had a really strong feeling that I was on the wrong side of that very fine line of pushing hard with training and being over-cooked.
I headed to Mike's after the morning run and wasn't in a good way. I fell asleep on the sofa in the afternoon and when I woke up had a huge meltdown about going out on the night loop. My brain was screaming at me not to do it, and all my body wanted was to curl up on the sofa. The tears wouldn't stop. Knowing I was being irrational and freaking Mike out only made it worse. In the end I didn't go. But I felt so guilty, and worried about whether missing that run will come back to bite me on race day. Was I being stupid or were brain and body trying to protect me? I don't know, I can only accept the decision made at the time and leave it at that.
This week has been a bit better- I managed to fit in my last hill reps session as well as two strength workouts and this week has been a good one for vert. I even managed 2 loops of Wendover Woods by myself and only went properly wrong once!
Wendover was beautiful. I was marshalling there yesterday at the Centurion Running 50 mile race and was back there in the early morning mist for my long run. It felt as though I was running with the ghosts of everyone who raced yesterday, following their footprints in the trails. The air still whispered with their voices and it was as though I was running with friends.
Today's run felt good- for the first time in a while I smiled as I ran. At the end of it I knew I had many more miles in my legs. That's something to hold on to and keep close, ready for the race and ready to combat all the doubts that keep pouring into my head.
It's now time to do my best to sleep enough, eat enough, stay healthy and keep my head in a good place. There's also the huge task of sorting out everything needed for the race weekend and packing it up, and working out head torch logistics- there will be an awful lot of dark and so I need to work out a rotation for head torches- one to wear, one spare, one charging- and make sure that each one gets adequately charged when not in use. That's the bit that worries me most, especially having had that disaster at A100 3 years ago. Oh, and I need to work out how to manage the HRT during the race. Usually I put the gel on my legs as it's a decent surface area but that's not going to be practical in a race as you can't put clothes over the top for at least 5 minutes. If the weather is mild enough I could try gel on my arms as that'd work with a short-sleeved top. I don't want to miss a dose though as sometimes I really do notice a skipped dose; I don't want to be dealing with extra hormone imbalance on top of the usual post-ultra mess!
So, although it's taper time there's plenty still to be doing and thinking about.
Stay calm, get sleep, eat, and trust in the training.
