A leap into the unknown

Quite a bit has been going on since the last post. So here's a quick catch-up:

I quit my job.

Work has been a struggle for a long time. If I'm honest, from the very first day I started working in secondary school. I moved into secondary as I had made a poor choice with a primary school job and needed to move on and start afresh before the wheels came off. Anyway, I've stuck at secondary for three and a half years. In all that time I have never come home feeling like it's been a good day at work. That is not a sustainable way of living, especially when the salary as a TA is way under what even a single person can live off let alone me bringing up 2 kids. So after an awful lot of soul-searching I've jumped. With no job to go to. Which is, quite frankly, terrifying.

I have several ideas of what to do next so I'm applying for jobs as well as deciding on some courses that might allow me to turn doing things I love into things that will earn me some money too. At least it's exam season coming up and there will be invigilating which should see us through until July if nothing else works out.

Running.

As far as running goes, the roller coaster continues but I suspect it's been like that due to the enormous stresses caused by the work situation. My weight has been all over the place, I haven't been eating well or recovering well from training sessions, I've developed a few slightly concerning niggles and now ended up 6 days out from the first big race of the year very run down and with viral tonsillitis. This week I've run twice, 8 miles in total.

The lesson there is that you absolutely MUST include the 'bad' stresses from life, work etc with the 'good' stress from training. Both raise cortisol and both need adequate recovery. If you're using one form of stress to mitigate the other load of stress then eventually it's all going to go wrong. And so it has with me. Lesson learned.

Ageing.

I'm also facing the stark reality of having to completely rethink how I train in order to be as fit and healthy as I can whilst the inevitable changes of age begin to make a significant impact. The really tricky bit is how to find that balance between staving off the midlife fat and weight gain (which you do by shorter, sharper, harder workouts) and maintaining/ improving endurance so that I can continue to enjoy running ultras without losing lots of muscle and becoming fat and slow. I may need to dump the goal of a sub 24 100 miler this year and instead just focus on a new plan of attack for training.

Injury.

My fella has spent the start of this year injured. Whilst it's been understandably miserable for him I've also found it really hard. We don't run a lot together but being unable to run together at all has really affected me and taken away some of the enjoyment of a long Sunday run. Usually I have no problem training alone, often I prefer it, but without his company to look forward to some of my longer weekend runs have been very hard going. He's just back on his feet now and we're supposed to be running a 50 miler together this coming weekend. With the state we're both in it could be an interesting race...

Times they are a changin'

I'm not especially a Bob Dylan fan but right now times are most certainly changing in the Runningstitsch household.

Something isn't right with my training- I was really enjoying doing lots of strength work and getting some muscles but the last couple of weeks I've struggled to train at all and have just been generally exhausted. Even my appetite has gone wrong and I'm not managing to eat enough. So despite the fact- or perhaps because of the fact- that I have a 50 miler in less than three weeks, I've decided to ditch any semblance of a training plan and just take it easy. No pressure to run or lift, just do it if I can and not worry if I can't. Let's see what happens at the Eco Trail and then reassess in April.

This year has also begun with several DNS. One down to logistics, another because I'd had such an awful week at work I simply couldn't face the preparation, three hour drive, then running 50k in a storm the three hours driving home again. That's not like me- usually a race is an escape, a chance to get away from all the stresses and enjoy being outside with no distractions.

So I've reached a point where I find myself taking stock and looking for a new way forward. I think I have found one but it's a big risk and it could all go horribly wrong. But life is too short to be this unhappy and dealing with so much stress, all for an income that doesn't quite pay the bills. Being poor doesn't scare me- I've never had loads of spare money- and I'd rather be poor but happier with what I'm doing than where I'm at right now.

In many respects I look at my life so far and see failure after failure, never living up to expectations or potential. There have been so many mistakes. But one thing I've got right is that I've always kept trying. If something doesn't work then I'll see if I can change it or if not try something else. I guess a bit like running ultras- stuff happens and you just have to find a way of managing so that you can get to the finish.

But it's spring and even though March has definitely come in like a lion, there are flowers in the garden, seedlings on my window sill and there's still a pair of stinky muddy trail shoes by the door, so all is not lost.

(You really don't want a photo of my trail shoes 😁)