 |
Work has left me with very little energy to spare. I am used up just absorbing the impact of being in the classroom. It didn't use to be this way but it's the reality of working in schools these days. Because of this, it's been necessary to spend time thinking about how best to cope with my current level of physical and emotional exhaustion.
I've written before about trying to train smarter but this time it's a little different. I do need to dial back what I'm trying to do because I've been in a cycle of forcing myself to train, getting completely splatted, then needing enforced rest, and that's just not healthy. The constant presence of my sports watch has not been helping either because I've become too hung up with the numbers and it's started to feed into a less than healthy relationship with food and exercise. So I've stopped wearing the watch and, this is far more important, I'm backing off training because I have finally acknowledged that I have nothing to prove. I don't need to prove that I'm tough, that I can run a long way, that I can run all day and all night. I don't need to do all that to make sure I'm loved or to gain approval. I just need to do whatever training is necessary to stay strong, healthy and postpone the deterioration of my bones for as long as possible. And what I need as a person is more time doing stuff that isn't training.
Finding the right balance is going to be tricky, and I suspect that whatever 'balance' is will keep changing. But acknowledging that what I need to do is step back and stop pushing so hard is huge. I'm not sure what this journey will be like, but for my health and sanity it's a path I need to explore right now.
So less running, less other training. More time photographing things that I find beautiful or interesting, continuing with various garden projects, rediscovering the theatre, reading, and resting.
 |
| Comma, seen on my way home from work recently |
