To run or not to run?

The last couple of weeks I've hardly run at all. The desire to run is there but my body hasn't been up for it at all. Oddly, reducing the volume and intensity of all my training has resulted in niggles becoming much worse and increasing fatigue. I don't understand that at all but later on today I'm going to see a guy who specialises in treating runners. I'm apprehensive in case he finds some major injury, but at the same time seeing him will ease my mind because either there's not much wrong, just a few better targeted exercises needed or there is a significant injury in which case I can get it treated.

I wrote a while back about how running has gotten under my skin, how it's no longer something I do as part of a lifestyle or fitness choice but how it's become part of life itself. I love how this relationship with running has developed but it leaves me vulnerable and exposed. Whilst the highs are amazing and even the every day bimbling along is life-enhancing, the lows really rattle me. My brain knows that there will be lows: running won't always go well, there will be times when resting is more important, sometimes niggles will surface. The frustration of not being able to run when I want to and when I do manage to run feeling clumsy and slow is unbearable.

This was always going to be an easy month as far as training goes but I don't think I'd really appreciated how hard it would be taking a rest month when everyone else is 100% committed to new training plans and full of excitement at their running goals for the new year. I've always been vulnerable to the 'you're only worthwhile if you work your hardest all the time' kind of mind-set, that my value as a person is measured by what I achieve, so having a month where I actually need to not achieve and not train hard is really challenging. Despite knowing that rest is an integral part of training and that sometimes the best thing to do is to back right off it's still very hard feeling like I'm being lazy.

Social media really doesn't help sometimes. For someone like me Facebook in particular can be a great way to feel inadequate seeing everyone posting up how many miles they've run already and how fast. That's one reason why I stay away from Strava and am only half-hearted with the #UKRunChat Endomondo challenges. On the other hand I've had some really lovely messages of encouragement from twitter-land friends; I guess in a way running is also family. There are some truly lovely people out there- most of whom I've never met, maybe never will meet but the sharing of experiences and advice, the friendly support is just wonderful and I really do appreciate my virtual running family.

And I have to mention my fella.  He is being awesome. That's especially impressive as he found out this week he has a place to run UTMB and (quite rightly) it's really all he can think about.

Normal service here will resume at some point. I'm looking forward to having some happy running stories and adventures to share with you.

"I am still learning"

My dad has this quote on a little plaque in his study. I think I get my willingness to learn, to explore, to reflect from him. One of the best things about running is you never stop learning. The most difficult thing about running is you never stop learning.

At the moment I'm in the middle of a lot of thinking, processing and reflecting. New running challenges this year mean I need to take a new approach to training, and what I've learned from last year has also given me a lot of food for thought.

I was feeling pretty upbeat after Portsmouth and was happy to run how and when I felt like it for a couple of weeks. This week my running just hasn't felt right. Nothing has flowed, I haven't enjoyed it. Yesterday in karate training I took a heavy fall whilst sparring and I feel too sore to want to run today. It doesn't really matter- I'm not thinking of serious training again until next month anyway- but it does feel odd not doing a LSR when my twitter and Facebook feeds are full of people already cramming in the miles.

More miles doesn't mean better training, faster miles doesn't mean better training. I know all that but it's still hard not to get drawn in and feel inadequate even though I'd planned this month to be easy. I guess it's because for most people January is full of enthusiasm for new fitness regimes and training plans whilst for me this is more like end of year than a new start. I also think that perhaps it's taken body and mind a while to really process the experience of running my first marathon and only now is the full impact hitting home. I've been too easily upset by things this week and I know now that's a sure sign of deep fatigue so cutting myself some slack at least as far as running is concerned will be no bad thing.

So it's time to concoct a loose sort of training plan for the Ox Ultra. The Ox is on 22nd May so the beginning of February means I'll have 16 weeks of focussed training. I'm going to take a risk and try something completely new: a plan based on a 2 week cycle of training. A fortnightly cycle will work around when I have child-free weekends, and I think it will make it easier to fit in all the different aspects of training: running, weights, stretching and injury prevention. It will also give me a bit of flexibility for when karate training is really tough and I need more recovery time. At the moment I'm only as far as planning fortnightly back-to-back runs but once I have some kind of a structure I'll post it up here and we'll see how it works out.

I'm late into this running lark so if I want longevity in it then the most important thing is to make my training sustainable. That means not overdoing it and paying attention to training as a whole so that running, strength, flexibility, nutrition and RECOVERY all have equal importance.

Watch this space...

New year thoughts and dilemmas

Things are slowly returning to normal post -marathon and -Christmas. It's a different kind of normal, but I'm looking forward to life being a little more settled again. I'm also excited about the adventures and challenges that this year will bring. Yes, I'm actually embracing the start of another year with a smile!

I've gained a little weight since the marathon but for once I've been kind to myself- taken things easy, got up later than usual, and not thought twice about enjoying foodie treats. Running hasn't stopped though. Far from it! Two days post-Portsmouth I thought I might as well try a recovery run and managed 4 muddy, traily miles and enjoyed almost all of it. The first mile felt hard but by the end all was good. Then I ran with my fella and some other friends on Christmas Eve to celebrate his birthday. About 8 muddy traily miles. Hard going in places, especially up hills, but all good fun.

Since Pompey my running has been off-road (and all 30-ish miles of it more or less muddy) and just for the pleasure of it. I've lost all semblance of speed but it's probably still there, it's just been a while since I did regular intervals and faster tempo runs. And herein lies a dilemma. In order to be productive training needs to be specific, right? So if training for a marathon or ultra the focus needs to be on building the endurance, time on feet, finding a 'go to' pace that I can sustain hour after hour. And if training for a hilly, off-road race then add hills and trails into the mix. But I'd like to still be able to run consecutive sub 7 min miles.

The problem to sleep on tonight is how to organise my training to maximise fitness, be ready for the Ox in May and shed the post-mara padding. Weight training is already back on course, that bit is quite straightforward- lift heavy, lift regularly or else! It's the running that's problematic. Intervals- how long and at what speed? How often to do back-to-back runs? When to try out Oregon Circuits for general running strength and fitness? Hill reps?...The list seems endless and there's still karate training to factor in too. That's taken a back seat for almost a month now, just hoping that at tomorrow's training I won't have forgotten all of it! It's been a while since I performed a kata.

This year finding a balance is going to be challenging. Keeping all my training sustainable is another challenge. Now that life is about far more than proving I can run fast I need to look after myself and never lose sight of the optimism and joy that I have right now.

Happy new year. May it be one of many joyful miles.

I am a Marathon Runner

I did it! I ran the Portsmouth Coastal Marathon. I am a marathon runner. Actually as the course measured a bit long (26.62- it being a traily sort of race) I'm an ultra-runner!

The last few days before the race passed in a kind of haze of disbelief. It didn't seem real that I would be running a marathon yet it was all I could think about. It didn't hit home until Saturday morning when my fella and I went for a bimble along the seafront- approaching the remains of Clarence Pier we saw the 26 mile marker on a lamp post. I concentrated on how happy I was feeling at that moment and tried to store it for the next day.

Sunday morning. Ate breakfast, got to race HQ, not long before there wasn't any breakfast left in me. Really nervous and fidgety and scared and cold.



 My fella was awesome- so patient and calm. I'd have been ok if I'd been by myself but just having him around to say reassuring things really did help. It's so easy to talk yourself into a negative frame of mind, and it's very hard preparing to do something you have never done before.

Once I started running I felt fine. None of the nasty niggles I've been feeling recently and no nerves. The plan in as much as I had one, was to aim for 8:50-9 minute miles- just take it easy and not get carried away with excitement at the start. If I could stick to that pace then I'd get the sub4 hour marathon time I wanted. Plans have to be flexible though, and mile 3 was the first indication that a sub 4 might not happen... It wasn't much further before the mud really got going at which point I thought might as well enjoy the run and forget all about time. By the time I was approaching the turn around point at Hayling Island I knew the return 13 miles was going to be hard and that sub 4 was out of the question.  There were many, many miles of mud. Thank goodness for my Innov8 shoes!

Post-marathon- the Innov8s held their own through all the mud. My legs needed a lot of scrubbing!

One of the less muddy bits. Hayling Island somewhere.

 

It was a strange race in some ways. The general atmosphere at start and finish was relaxed, no competitive edginess at all. During the race I never really got chatting with anyone, never got into that trading of places with a few people that usually happens. And nearing the end there was no pulling each other along with expletives, encouragement or inarticulate howls. It was a somewhat solitary experience: mostly running alone, focussed on the task in hand. At the same time there was an odd sense of companionship knowing that we were all sharing the same experience- that of journeying through our own private hells, fighting our battles silently and simply willing the legs to keep turning over. Recognising the pain in the faces around me didn't make it any easier for me but it was a kind of bond with these unknown runners.

 

Whilst you can follow a training plan to get you fit and strong enough to run a marathon, there is nothing you can do to be completely prepared for the mental and emotional journey of running your first marathon. I knew the last 10k would be hard- plenty of experienced and awesome running friends told me it would be beyond tough but the experience of the miles as they begin to hurt you is unique and private. I wasn't prepared for being left so raw and vulnerable in those last 4 miles or so. Running through aches, niggles, even pain is one thing in training or even in a half marathon, but running when it feels like you've been ripped open to expose your very heart and soul is something I could never have imagined or prepared for.

 

It's hard to explain but it's something like when you're running beyond a certain amount of time you become the running- the act of running becomes all that you are mind, body and soul, it fills the whole world. I wasn't full of pain and despair, I never thought I couldn't finish, I never thought about stopping to rest but I felt exposed and vulnerable like an injured animal. I whimpered like one at times too. It was a very strange feeling, almost frightening, being reduced to nothing but the thought of putting one foot in front of another over and over and over.

 

I don't know if that is being broken. Perhaps it is but perhaps not, because as I made that journey I was also being remade. It wasn't about me beating the distance or the weather or the terrain, it was about learning to accept it all. Learning that if you completely give yourself up to the experience there is no battle any more. There is no winning- simply you move, you run. You are.

 

Steve, you saw me start the race as one person, and you held someone reborn at the end. You knew that would happen but allowed me to make the journey myself. Thank you with all my heart.

 

 

Running isn't always pretty!

Sometimes  it just doesn't flow or feel good and the Dirt Half was one of those days

No LSR today. I had intended to do a slow 10 miles or so on the back of yesterday's race but woke up this morning very sore and full of niggles. A rest is going to be better training than a painful run. I did sneak in some S&C work though and felt better for it. Active recovery, right?

Well it was about time I had a 'bad' race. I wasn't out for a fast one yesterday; getting long slow miles in ready for Portsmouth has been more important than half marathon speed sessions. Nevertheless I was excited to be running the Dirt Half again- it's a great course, lovely atmosphere and a great selection of cake at the end- and with a lot more off-road miles in my legs I was looking forward to a strong, steady run.

No.

No, no, no, no, no.
I didn't feel fab from the start- all a bit clunky and slow. Sometimes it takes a couple of miles to get going so I didn't worry but by mile 4 I knew it wasn't going to happen for me. Legs were empty, body and mind were so very tired. All I wanted to do was stop and go home. But my children had come to cheer me on and I'm stubborn as 100 mules so no way was I going to give up. It was time to draw on what I've learned from some of my long Sunday runs: dig deep to reach that meditative state and focus the mind on cadence, breathing and form. Make the legs turn over. Concentrate on every single step. Keep moving. Don't cry.

Crossing the bridges over the canal wasn't fun

About half way up the 1 mile hill

 

Almost at the top of the 1 mile hill

It was the hardest run I've ever done. Much tougher than those flat out efforts during the Tour of MK in September. Back then although I felt used up, once I was running everything just flowed and worked. Yesterday I had to battle for every single step of all 13.1 miles.

 

I will say right now that I walked in places. Briefly on the 1 mile hill, in a couple of places I can't remember where, over the slippery bridges and that very last short incline with about 3/4 mile to go. I remember last year yelling "who the f#@* put that there?!" at that point and it caught me out again this year. But I never stopped moving. Even managed to find a short sprint for the finish.

 

1:44:29



But although it wasn't a 'good' race I can take quite a few positives from it:

• Completed about 4 minutes faster than last year. So that's good.
• Lost a lot less time on the hill.
• Felt way more confident through the woods and on downhills (it was a good call wearing my new Innov8 x-talons!).
• I was able to keep focussed.
• I dug deep and kept going.
• Finding and using that meditative state and mental strength is becoming easier.

Stuff I got wrong:

• Not eating my usual pre-race foods the night before or in fact for a couple of days before (had some trouble with food going straight through me and I fear that the veggie's friend- tofu- isn't my friend)
• Including a few short intervals in my run the day before.
• Not enough stretching/foam rolling in the weeks before.
• Not stretching straight after the race (maybe keep a roller in the car or tennis ball in my race kit in future)
• I have also underestimated what racing does to me. I think the mental fatigue was from last months Exeter GWR. I stormed that race and although there were plenty of moments where all my training just fell into place and it felt effortless, I did have to dig deep for the last few miles. It was less than a month ago and an effort like that needs proper recovery time.

So plenty to take away from it and as ever lots of things I can learn from and work on to make me a stronger, more resilient runner. Every step and every race is experience and experience is good as long as you do something with it!

And eventually I was able to smile again:

Team Bradbug

Wandering thoughts on a wandering LSR

Today was one of those days when any plans just had to go out the window. The unravelling began yesterday when I noticed my tonsils had turned into golfballs. I didn't feel ill; maybe a bit tired but no fever or aches or anything. Nevertheless I prepared myself for the eventuality of having to ditch the week's long run. The thought of only having completed 11 slow miles for the week wasn't a happy sort of thought but if I've learned anything on this marathon training journey it's that you've got to listen to your body and do whatever it's telling you.

I woke this morning feeling ok but a bit tired and I really didn't want to get out of bed. Once the clocks go back I do struggle with mornings so the early start for today's run just didn't happen. We decided that even though I felt fine we'd not have any plans other than to see how I felt with an hour's run then take it from there, so no set route, no target mileage or time on feet,  just the intention to run 9:00 pace.

Coffee, fruit toast, out the door. Yuc- it's raining and cold and dismal. The worst kind of November morning. Now I feel really bad that not only have I made my fella start the run 2 hours later than planned but I'm making him run in the most uninspiring weather. He doesn't need to be doing these long runs with me really. But we set off anyway grumbling a bit, both of us thinking probably we'll be turning around soon and heading back for coffee and cake in the warm and dry. However the rain stops, we settle into a relaxed pace and grumbling turns into chatting.

I don't really know where we ran. Just out and about. Lots of lakes and some of the canal. A bit of mud. Oh yes, and steps! A few sets of steps just for me! We talk about all sorts of stuff and also run in silence quite a bit, both of us lost in the gentle meditative rhythm of relaxed running. I am so fortunate to be able to run with my fella and share the sheer pleasure of running. I love his sense of play when running and I do think when you run with someone who is having fun it's infectious. And anyway we're not athletes, we run because we want to so there's not much point if you're not having fun.

It's also a wonderful thing to run with someone whose pace seems to fit with your own. I think I might have said this before but very often when running with others it's a constant battle of trying to keep up or trying to stay slow so you stay together, but we just seem to be able to run together without that. It's a great gift and I treasure every moment of it.

As for the physical process of this run, it felt good. Mostly a really consistent pace too which is great and shows I'm learning a bit of discipline at last! The usual aches set in, perhaps a little earlier than before but they didn't get as bad and I felt comfortable running through them. (I think once this marathon is done I'm going to spend a month in the gym really working to make sure my muscles are well balanced and strong.) I didn't eat so much this time, and had decided to try Mini Cheddars rather than my rocket fuel flapjacks. Nice, but not so easy to eat on the go. I'd also decided to listen to advice and added electrolytes to my water. High 5 Zero Citrus flavour I think I tried. Still didn't drink enough but managed a lot more than normal. Hormones were beginning to settle too (I can say that some of last week's fatigue and reduced endurance was due to hormones). So actually there were so many changed variables compared to last week's LSR I can't say which (if any) made a difference but there was a difference for sure. We got back and my fella wanted to round up another half a mile to 15 miles but I felt really up for rounding to 20. So I did. And there was definitely a bit in the tank still when I finished: 2hrs 58min for 20 miles.

I'm happy with today's run. Very happy!

Another long run with a dip into hard-core tri

I'd meant to write this quite soon after last Sunday's long run so that it would be a fresher take on the miles but it's been a hectic week so far with lots of things vying for my attention.

Sunday's run was another longest ever run- 23 miles!

The plan was to run an early 'lap' before meeting up with friends to run 12 miles or so through the woods and fields. I slightly misjudged my early run and ended up needing to do a few little circuits of the village to get the required minutes done (I wanted to do 90 minutes), then got to the meeting point a bit early and had about 10 minutes of fidgeting around but otherwise all pretty much went to plan. I even remembered to eat and got through 3 or 4 snacks but still don't take on enough fluids though which is something to work on.
(see http://runningstitsch.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/cake.html for my most successful running fuel)

The morning was very misty but actually you could sense even at 7am that the sun wasn't far away so instead of it feeling a bit ominous being out in the fog-filled silence there was a sense of promise.

 

 

Running by myself I was determined to keep to a sensible training pace- so I set the pink Garmin device to 9:25 I think. The solitary bit of the run was all road as I really wasn't sure I was up for doing the whole 3.5 hours on trails but knowing how easy it is for me to go off at what feels like easy pace only to discover that I'm actually running perhaps a minute quicker meant it was a real challenge to stick to training pace. I did run a bit quicker than I 'should' but not ridiculously so- in the first 11.5 miles my quickest mile was 8:45 and slowest 9:25 (which was the first mile).

 

By the time I'd nipped home to change into trail shoes and got up the monstrous hill which is Church Street I was feeling a bit tired. The early lap was quite hilly and I'd let myself walk up bits of incline when I felt like it but I could tell the next segment was not going to be plain sailing. And for sure it wasn't!

 

The start was ominous- I love running through big puddles but this time totally misjudged the depth, went in well over my ankles, stumbled and put out a hand to balance myself only to grab hold of some barbed wire that was entwined with a wooden fence. Thank goodness for my running gloves! Although they were very thin, just that extra layer prevented any injury. A few weeks back a friend sustained a really nasty barbed wire cut in the same woods so I was lucky. It was all kind of funny though- my friends just looked on and laughed uncontrollably and I must have looked a sight! Next time I embark on some kind of hard-core triathlon maybe I should bring armbands to float me through the puddles. So glad no one took any photos!

Composure regained and we settled into a lovely sunny run. We ran through the woods, out and over to Woburn Abbey, up a few steep and long inclines and over the treacherous Greensand Ridge mud. It's horrid to run on as it's quite clay-y on the top and with all the rain we'd had it was more like ice. Note to self- look out for trail shoes that do well on mud.

I can't really remember details- fatigue set in fairly early and although aches and stiffness held off until about mile 19 it was hard keeping up with the others. They were great and would ease off of stop and wait for me in places, but I'm learning that on long runs I need to go at my pace and rhythm. The longer the run the more important that seems to be. But these days I don't mind running at the back of a group as you can see:

That's my fella in the black- just checking I haven't been mown down by deer (or fallen in the lake...)



The last 3 or 4 miles were a real test. I hurt- my hip flexors in particular got really tight because I guess although there'd been lots of ups and downs, sticking to a fairly even slow pace is going to do that. As the fatigue really set in I did remember to keep checking form and cadence and I'm pleased that neither suffered too much. I only have a FR10- it can't measure cadence and so I have to count-but even the process of counting means I'm straight away paying more attention.

This is what was waiting for me at about 21.5 miles:

I call these Greg Rutherford Steps as he trains on these (photo is from previous week)

Now usually I love these steps, but at that point there was no love at all and I did say something very rude. But I walked up them and then just kept going at the top. I think at that point one of the others said something about there must be a button on my back- press it and I'll just start running again! Well, this little machine was feeling broken but very determined- at this point I could have taken a short cut home instead of facing the final long, steep climb through the woods. However when confronted with the aforementioned long steep climb I just said to my fella 'Don't wait- run on with the others and wait for me at the end; I'll just walk up this hill'. But he wasn't having any of it and told me I could run it. So we did. It was painfully slow in places, but he talked me up that hill and I didn't stop. I even kept going to round up to 23 miles when we got back to the start.

Stubborn!



The signs of a successful trail run!