Times they are a changin'

I'm not especially a Bob Dylan fan but right now times are most certainly changing in the Runningstitsch household.

Something isn't right with my training- I was really enjoying doing lots of strength work and getting some muscles but the last couple of weeks I've struggled to train at all and have just been generally exhausted. Even my appetite has gone wrong and I'm not managing to eat enough. So despite the fact- or perhaps because of the fact- that I have a 50 miler in less than three weeks, I've decided to ditch any semblance of a training plan and just take it easy. No pressure to run or lift, just do it if I can and not worry if I can't. Let's see what happens at the Eco Trail and then reassess in April.

This year has also begun with several DNS. One down to logistics, another because I'd had such an awful week at work I simply couldn't face the preparation, three hour drive, then running 50k in a storm the three hours driving home again. That's not like me- usually a race is an escape, a chance to get away from all the stresses and enjoy being outside with no distractions.

So I've reached a point where I find myself taking stock and looking for a new way forward. I think I have found one but it's a big risk and it could all go horribly wrong. But life is too short to be this unhappy and dealing with so much stress, all for an income that doesn't quite pay the bills. Being poor doesn't scare me- I've never had loads of spare money- and I'd rather be poor but happier with what I'm doing than where I'm at right now.

In many respects I look at my life so far and see failure after failure, never living up to expectations or potential. There have been so many mistakes. But one thing I've got right is that I've always kept trying. If something doesn't work then I'll see if I can change it or if not try something else. I guess a bit like running ultras- stuff happens and you just have to find a way of managing so that you can get to the finish.

But it's spring and even though March has definitely come in like a lion, there are flowers in the garden, seedlings on my window sill and there's still a pair of stinky muddy trail shoes by the door, so all is not lost.

(You really don't want a photo of my trail shoes 😁)