It's been one heck of a year. It's been truly awful in fact. And it's ending with the tiny flicker of hope I had a month ago utterly crushed.
Illnesses in my immediate family would have been enough on their own to deal with. These are all on-going and there appears to be nothing I can do but be there to pick up the pieces.
Recurring or chronic injury in itself would have been enough to deal with. I'm doing what I can to get my leg to heal and stay strong but it's a precarious line to walk and I keep getting it wrong.
We won't talk about the covid stuff, or work, or work+covid.
Being unceremoniously dumped by my soulmate -the man I though I was going to grow old with- was, and still is, devastating. Not long ago we met so that he could say what he needed in order to move on and get on with a successful life, but it's left me desolate. I still don't understand, and the conclusions I've come to are bitter indeed to swallow.
I have also been taken aback by a few random acts of kindness. Some of those have come from people who might read this and I cannot begin to express my gratitude to you. Some came from complete strangers, and I am sad that I cannot thank them. It's a lesson in how we should conduct ourselves- a few kind words can lift the darkness from someone's soul even if only for a few minutes. That brief respite can make it possible to get through the rest of the day. You never know who might need that respite, so just be kind always.
I did a race. It went pretty well considering how little running I'd done. I should have done another to mark my birthday but at that point I was exhausted, overwhelmed and once again really struggling with the leg problem. Youngest was poorly again too. Perhaps if I had gone then this year would be ending differently, but I paid the price for putting my immediate needs first and not just falling in someone else's wishes.
The coming year feels bleak and there's nothing to look forward to, but I've set myself a couple of challenges to give me some focus and purpose. The first challenge is to try to get back to consistent running so I've entered the Centurion One Slam for the first 100 days of the year. My aim is to cover 600 miles and I thought I'd use it as an opportunity to do some fundraising for the National Museum of Computing. You can donate via my Just Giving page here.
I want to use those 100 days for a couple of training blocks: getting back to basics with easy aerobic runs, keeping a careful eye on heart rate. Then I'll add some speedwork but this time not intervals as such, nor hill reps. I'm going to try adding strides to the end of 2 easy runs each week. I've revisited The Happy Runner by Megan and David Roche and now I think I can see how to put some of their wisdom into practise. My training needs to be kind and supportive to both body and mind otherwise it's not sustainable especially in my current fragile state. The Happy Runner isn't a book everyone will enjoy- it's not a training manual as such, more of a holistic way of approaching life as a runner. And although the messages in the book are serious, it's a book that doesn't take itself too seriously either. There's quite a bit about pizza and dogs.
The second challenge is very much dependent on whether I can complete or get close to completing challenge no.1. If I can't manage consistent mileage without breaking then it's very unlikely I'll be able to train for anything in the second half of the year.
With that second challenge in mind I'm hoping to get some coaching. I think I know more or less what I need to do and more or less how to structure training but I find it very difficult to get the balance right. Too much running and not enough functional strength work; too much strength and cross training and too little running; too much everything; or having to force my mind to let me even consider getting up and training. A bit of guidance with nutrition would also be helpful- I think I need to ensure my diet matches different parts of the training cycle. Over the last 10 years or so my relationship with food has become complicated and sometimes unhealthy so it will be important to focus on eating enough and enough of the right things.
I will close out the year with a run, some Cross Fit and an early night. Whatever you do, wherever you are, stay safe and may your new year be healthy and purposeful and full of kindness.
