Recovery and onwards

 It's already two weeks since Two Towers and getting back into training has been hard. For once I really did take a proper post-race recovery week because although my legs felt absolutely fine, I knew underneath that my mind and body would still be fatigued. Lack of sleep has been the biggest problem because there's just been no opportunity to try to catch up. Work is intense and full-on as ever, and last weekend I was volunteering at Centurion Running's Chiltern Wonderland so although that stopped me from going out on a long training run (which was a good thing), it was still a long day on my feet. It was fun and I got to work with a great team, but it did leave me very tired. 

This week has been the first week of my last training block before Copthorne. It's not quite gone to plan as I've still felt very tired and it feels like I'm fighting off the first lurgy of the school term. There are various lurgies doing the rounds and I'm doing my best to stay healthy- I really can't afford to get ill at this point. So far this week I've managed both my planned strength sessions but the running hasn't quite gone to plan because of being tired and giving myself a bit of a hamstring niggle during my intervals session on Tuesday. However, today I managed to turn what would have felt like a pointless plod into something more constructive: while the car was being serviced I ran 5 miles to find a hill then did 10 reps to get about 300m ascent in about 3 miles. The 5 mile return journey felt very hard though!

At this point the training is beginning to feel like a bind; most days the alarm starts glowing around 4.40am (daylight alarm clock) and I just want to stay under the blankets. But I have to keep reminding myself that it's just seven more weeks of hard training then I can taper, and then we'll see if almost 11 months of hard slog will pay off. The race is the 'victory lap'- the celebration of all the hard work put in just to get to the start line. 

Nutrition is not going so well. I'm trying to make good food choices but tiredness and busyness have meant some days I just haven't bothered with dinner- right now there are too many cheese sandwiches or cheese toasties in my life. It's easy to berate myself for not doing and eating all the right things, but I'm trying not to. There's only so much I can do; eating something is better than eating nothing and I guess I could do a lot worse than a cheese sandwich.

In terms of race food I've splashed out on some nut butter sachets. The one I tried today was lovely although a bit messy to eat as you squeeze out the last bits of it, and the cold meant some of it was set quite hard so difficult to get out of the sachet. For the first time I'm contemplating trying a carbohydrate drink. In principle I'm not a fan of liquid calories, but given the difficulty I've had trying to get actual food down I think it's sensible to try this approach. I've had Tailwind in the past but didn't like it much, so need to investigate other options. 

The heart stuff that was beginning to bother me about a year ago has resurfaced. This time I know it's basically hormone-related and exacerbated by tiredness and stress, but I wish it would go away. Looking at myself in the mirror today I saw how events a year ago have left visible marks- the wrinkles are now so many and so deep. Acknowledging the damage is painful but it's the only way I can grow. And I have to keep growing because there's still so much life and love and light to reach out for.