Putting what I've learned into practice

 It's been one heck of a week, culminating in youngest getting covid. They've been so careful but when everyone around you isn't being careful your own choices don't count for much. Anyway, this means it's most certainly time to bring Robbie Britton's article into play. The worry that comes of having a child with the 'rona is most certainly as exhausting and draining as doing something like a hard 50k so I won't be training much at all for the next couple of weeks. 

However, I did go out for a run today as although very cold, the sun was shining, the sky was blue, and I thought getting out in the fresh air would be a good thing to do. I only managed about 7 miles as anxiety made my breathing and heart rate go all over the place and I kept stopping to try to calm myself. There's no point in fretting about having a rubbish run- it doesn't matter. I'm doing some exercise (maybe 30 minutes) 4 or 5 days a week and that's enough for now. Something else was making me a bit unsettled and nervous too, but perhaps it's not quite time yet to see if it can be turned around. 

Earlier in the week I went for my first breast-screening. I didn't really know what to expect and it wasn't a fun experience. Actually it was quite unpleasant but that wasn't because of the radiographer, more to do with the fact that being short and having no boobs to speak of, being asked to lean and drape the bits that needed screening didn't really do much. I ended up having one side of my face squashed up against the pillar of the scanner whilst the various bits of the machine had to go to maximum in order to squish my boobs into the right position for taking the pictures. But I'll go again when it's time for the next appointment. Why wouldn't you? It's unpleasant for a little bit but could save my life and I don't have to pay for the privilege. We're so fortunate to have access to screening programmes like this.

Turning 50 has been like running full-speed into a wall and I just need to get by, do enough and try to stay healthy in body and mind. But despite the general hideousness of this week I have seen a small glimmer...

I want to believe I'll end this year in a better place.